


Twelve Days

by Ayri



Series: Painful Death [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders Shorts (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Anxiety, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Little Shit, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Sweetheart, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Cults, Cussing, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Dragons, Dyslexia, Fire, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Food, Gen, Humor, Knives, Memes, Mental Health Issues, Platonic Male/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Religion, Spiritual, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Teenage Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Teenage Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Teenagers, Tumblr Memes, Underage Drinking, only in chapter 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 10,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23654596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayri/pseuds/Ayri
Summary: Virgil and Remus lost their memories of the 12 days after they had blacked out drunk and joined a cult.Here are a few choice moments from those days. This work is meme-laden.Please readPainful Death for the Lactose IntolerantFirst if you haven't already- there are major spoilers for it!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Platonic Anxcietmus, platonic Dukexiety
Series: Painful Death [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1687501
Comments: 136
Kudos: 142





	1. Arrival

Remus and Virgil had been stumbling through the forest for a while, following the vague directions of the sticks in Virgil’s hands. When the sticks finally crossed, signifying they were on top of the dragon lines, they both screamed and cheered like they were being murdered, but oddly jubilant about said murder. Which obviously created a bit of a commotion. Thomas was headed back to the sanctuary when he was the two strangers screaming and dancing in the ritual site. Which was something new, unexpected, and not allowed.

Thomas ran over to the site as the two delirious teenagers danced with a surprising amount of choreography. They had probably played too much _Just Dance_ to be able to do it in unison on a moment’s notice while food, water, and sleep-deprived. Not that being drunk ever stopped them.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Thomas called as he ran up and came to a stop within a few feet of them. They didn’t stop their now more erratic and disconnected dancing, which was far more disconcerting for Thomas. They flailed about while Thomas shirked back, afraid to get hit by their sweet moves. 

“We don’t know!” They both cheered at once as they continued their demonic dancing. Virgil almost using the sticks he was holding like semaphore flags.

“W-who are you?” Thomas stammered out after a moment of very baffled staring with a dash of flinching.

“Ah, yes, good day, sir. My name is Bitchard, but please call me _Bitch_. Bichard was my father’s name. I _killed_ him for it,” Remus held out his hand and beamed widely. Thomas kept his distance and nodded instead. Remus shrugged, which turned into a little shimmy.

“I am… once again asking you for your financial support,” Virgil smiled and held up his hand, still holding the stick. Thomas smiled back awkwardly and waved instead of shaking his stick.

“Can I ask how you found this place?” Thomas asked nervously, looking around for anyone else nearby.

“Magic sticks!” Virgil cheered, tapping them together. Remus cheered along with him and they started shimmying rather than dancing.

“I-uh…” Thomas stammered and rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t sure what was happening, and he was also sure he was not anything near prepared for this. “Maybe you should have some water,” He offered and unclipped the skien from his belt, holding it out for them. Remus snatched the skien and drank from it quickly, chugging some water. He tried to hand it to Virgil, who shook his head, but Remus shoved it in his mouth anyway and Virgil reluctantly drank until he feverishly finished it and threw it back at Thomas, emptied. Thomas barely managed to catch it. “How about you two stay here and I’ll get you some more to drink?” Thomas suggested. Remus smiled back in delight.

“ _Yass_ , queen, bring out the booze!” Remus raised his fist in the air victoriously.

“Booze?” Virgil paused mid-shimmy and looked brightly to Thomas. “We require your _finest_ garbage booz-a-ma-hol,” Virgil demanded, leaning against Remus now. “Hey, hey Ream. Hey. _Hey_ ,” Thomas sped off to go get Lord Damien and some more water. And backup. As much as he could get of either. 

“What’s up Vi-vi-vi?” Remus smirked at him and ruffled the hair on the sides of Virgil’s head.

“We gon’ get more al-co-ma-booz,” Virgil giggled and tilted sideways. “Oh! _Flowers_!” He shouted suddenly and wandered off the pavilion and into the grass, walking a little way until flopping down on the ground in front of a small patch of wildflowers. “Look at the blue-eyed grass and the bear’s foot! Oh my god, bird peppers!” Virgil squealed and shook his fists “They look so happy!” The tall grass nearly engulfed Virgil as he cooed at the plants.

“ _Bird peppers_? Birds can’t taste capsicum,” Remus drawled, flopping down on the ground next to Virgil.

“Yeah, bird shit is what spreads these little guys with the wildflowers. These little bastards are super hot, so mostly birds eat them,” Virgil poked at it curiously, examining the plant.

“How hot we talkin’?” Remus asked, rolling on to his back to look up at the sky. Virgil rolled partially onto him and looked up as well, admiring the early evening sun making the sky glow pale orange.

“Like… um… It’s like twelve times spicier than a jalapeño,” Virgil supplied, struggling to remember. “Maybe dragons eat ‘em,” He mused, watching the clouds go by.

“Hello?” Thomas called out, having lost sight of the strange duo he found on the pavilion. Remus stuck his hand in the air and waved. Thomas exhaled in relief and ran over with more water, Lord Damien, and Torres in tow. “Um, what are you doing on the ground?” He asked oddly, staring with concern at the pair in a puddle on the ground.

“We’re returning to the earth. Give us like, four or five months and we’ll be out of your hair,” Remus replied airily, flipping his hand about somewhat dismissively but it morphed more into the confused flight pattern of a bird who flew into a window.

“You gotta promise you'll use our bones for something super cool, or I’ll _haunt_ your ass,” Virgil hissed and glowered at them pointedly. “Izzat more water?” He blinked and then his hands shot up greedily. Thomas passed down the bag, and Virgil started drinking hastily, dribbling water on himself. Thomas passed Remus the other bag, and he drank it much easier and less feverishly than Virgil.

“How about you _do not_ decompose near our ritual pavilion,” Damien suggested coolly, looking down at them with an intense gaze.

“Bitch, who are _you_ to tell us where to turn to fungus and be eaten by maggots?” Virgil shot and pointed at him, and Damien bristled. He had never been spoken to like that in his _life_.

“Lookit, he’s got fancy robes. I bet the yellow means he’s the big cheese,” Remus slurred slightly as he twisted his finger in the air.

“Oh _my god_ , they were _big cheese_ ,” Virgil responded in awe, nodding sagely.

“I am not-” Damien grunted, already feeling frustrated. “I am not dairy. Please tell me how you got here,” Damien hissed forcefully, his arms stiffly at his sides.

“Did you hear a danger noodle?” Virgil picked up his head off of Remus and looked around.

“A danger-” Damien huffed and crossed his arms. Who in the world were these idiots?

“They said they got here with magic sticks,” Thomas informed him, his voice full of concern. Virgil held up the sticks and clacked them together as if to prove it.

“We thought if we died on a dragon line we could turn to dragons and _eat people_ ,” Remus said. “Or at least ghosts! I wanna be _Beetlejuice_ when I grow up if I can’t _vore_ stuff,” Remus supplied cheerily.

“That would be so fun,” Virgil whined, impatient to begin his life anew as an awesome sky lizard. 

“I… I’m not sure. But, Lord Damien, isn’t there a-” Torres started to ask.

“Yes, I’m aware of the prophecy,” Damien rubbed his sinuses in frustration. “I think they did, in fact, dowse here. They must have come from some ways away. Will you please fetch Thistle and bring out some food?” Damien requested, annoyed. Torres and Thomas nodded and ran back towards the sanctuary. “Can you look me in the eyes?” Damien asked them, walking closer and leaning over Virgil, who seemed the obvious choice as the one holding the sticks.

“ _Gay_ ,” Virgil chuckled and Remus barked a laugh in response.

“I’m not propositioning you, I am confirming that you are a seer. Look me in the eyes,” Damien demanded more forcefully, looking down at Virgil's face.

“Only if you hold my hands and tell me I’m pretty,” Virgil shook his head and faced away, closing his eyes. Damien grunted and dropped his arms to his sides again.

“Fine!” Damien groaned, gesticulating with his arms. “Which one of you has two different eye colors?” Both Virgil and Remus’s hands shot into the air. “ _Both_ of you? That can’t be right,” Damien objected, considering the possibilities. He was positive the prophecy only said one new seer would dowse their way here.

“It also can’t be wrong!” Remus replied in a sing-song tone. “Don’t worry, the maggots will _also_ eat our eyeballs,” Remus brightly chirped an addition. Damien’s stomach turned slightly at the visual.

“I do not want you to be eaten by maggots _at all_!” Damien shot sourly, glaring at the pair. “Please, _just_ look me in the eyes,” He begged less angrily and somewhat desperately. This couldn’t be right. He needed to figure this out.

“Uh-uh, you gotta tell me I’m a _pretty-pretty bird_ ,” Virgil shook his head again, holding up a finger.

“You’ve _very_ pretty,” Damien groaned out the most disingenuous compliment he'd ever given. Virgil opened his eyes and looked up to him. Blue and gray, like the sky on a rainy day. “Do you need me to tell me you’re pretty, _too_?” Damien drawled sardonically, and Remus just smiled back at him.

“What’s the password,” Remus asked, closing his eyes. Damien shouted out in frustration, throwing his arms.

“It’s gay,” Virgil stage whispered to Damien at a volume Remus could clearly hear. Remus just waited patiently. 

“…Gay,” Damien deadpanned, drooping his arms.

“Ding ding ding! You win a _prize_! It’s my beautiful _eyes_!” Remus opened his eyes and Damien stepped around to look closer. Brown and green, like the trees in spring. Damien sighed and rubbed his face again. This didn't make sense, but they were clearly both seers. He would be grateful for the help if they both weren't so incredibly annoying.

“Would you two gentlemen-” Damien tried to start but was cut off. 

“Gentlefolk,” Remus interjected with a correction.

“Would you two gentlefolk please come with me?” Damien requested defeatedly, motioning with his arms. Damien wasn’t sure he could handle both of these gremlins at the same time.

“We don’t go _anywhere_ without alcohol,” Virgil shook his head and crossed his arms firmly.

“I will find you some alcohol,” Damien lied sourly. He wasn’t adding _drunk_ to whatever else ailed them. Virgil and Remus cheered and stood up, their legs very wobbly, and followed Damien to a table and chairs next to the sanctuary on the small veranda outside the kitchens.

“Sit, please,” Damien motioned to the table with his palms. Virgil and Remus both sat on the ground where they stood. “The _chairs_ ,” He hissed, resisting the urge to just pick them up and put them there himself.

“I heard the danger noodle again!” Virgil shouted in alarm and looked around wildly, gripping at the sticks.

“I _will_ be a danger if you cannot find yourselves in the chairs in short order,” Damien threatened them gleefully. 

“ _Ooh, we’re in trouble_ ,” Virgil and Remus slowly enunciated with a rising inflection. Thomas walked outside on to the patio with a tray of food and fruit juice and set it on the table, furrowing his eyebrows at the pair on the ground.

“I brought food,” Thomas announced wearily. “Please come eat it,” Remus got up quickly to eat, but Virgil shook his head and stayed on the floor. Virgil produced a small dark berry from his pocket and popped it in his mouth instead.

“I brought my own _not_ poisoned food, thanks. You just want me for my _bones_ ,” Virgil snarled as he accused them.

“It’s like, _really_ good, Virge!” Remus called from the table with a stuffed mouth.

“Well… _Okay_ , but when we’re dying from the poison you gotta put us back on the dragon lines,” Virgil grunted and stumbled as he got up. Virgil looked between the sticks in his hands and the tableware curiously when he sat down.

“I will take the ‘magic sticks’,” Damien rolled his eyes and held out his hand. Virgil eyed him suspiciously, holding the sticks to his chest defensively.

“Thomas, I don’t suppose they gave you their names?” Damien looked to Thomas, feeling completely flummoxed.

“He said his name was Bitch,” Thomas pointed to Remus. “And the little one just asked for money,” Thomas informed him. Damien huffed and rolled his eyes again.

“I will _need_ the magic sticks to find the dragon lines so I may take your bodies there,” Damien lied cooly and sighed, motioning with his fingers for Virgil to relinquish them. Virgil beamed and handed over the sticks. He attempted to wipe his hands on his hoodie- It is spring, how is he not melting- but failed and just put his entire face in the food. “Please… Please get him some water to rinse his hands with before the other one gets _ideas_ ,” Damien groaned, rubbing his face with his free hand.

Thomas partially filled a wooden bucket from the water pump near the kitchen door and held it in front of Virgil. Who also dropped his face in that. Thomas pulled it away in surprise, but Virgil grunted and pulled it back, dipping his hands in and then rubbing his face, then held out his hands for Thomas to pour some water on them. Virgil then picked up the fork and started eating after shaking off the water.

“What in the poisoned drink, it’s _superb_ ,” Remus asked in a faux-Brittsh accent after chugging half the glass, pinky out and adjusting a non-existent monocle.

“It’s orange juice,” Thomas supplied. “And it’s not poisoned,” He added pointely.

“You _lie_!” Virgil screamed and pointed at Thomas dramatically. Thomas was startled and stumbled back, holding up his hands. Virgil popped another berry from his pocket in his mouth.

“Can I see one of those berries?” Thomas requested genially. Virgil nodded and pulled a handful out of his hoodie pocket, dropping them in Thomas’s hand. The excess berries rolled out of his hand and Thomas scrambled to pick them up. They were boysenberries, which were very hard to find in this area. “Can I keep these? I would love to plant them,” Thomas asked brightly.

“I’ll barter for more poisoned food,” Virgil nodded and ate another large bite. Thomas looked to Damien who nodded tiredly and Thomas headed back inside, leaving Damien alone the delirious duo.

“Would you kindly tell me your names?” Damien asked, trying his best to sound polite despite his frustration.

“Doug Dimmadome! Owner of the Dimsdale Dimmadome!” Remus shouted in response.

“Dimma-dimma- _dimmadome_!” Virgil yelled at the same time. Damien could have screamed. He held his fists to his side and tried again.

“What is your name?” Damien demanded, absolutely pissed off at this point.

“ _What_ is your _quest_?” Remus replied right away.

“ _What_ is your _favourite color_?” Virgil bellowed. Damien did, in fact, scream. 


	2. The Sleepy Corner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -What do you have?  
> -A Knife!  
> -No!

Virgil was way too tired for this. He barely knew where he was, much less could string two thoughts enough together to do anything. Rinsing the vegetables wasn’t bad. You get a bucket of water and dunk ‘em, scrub, and then pour a little water on them. Virgil could manage that. It was almost trance-like in that he wasn’t even thinking about it while he did it. He probably could even close his eyes and his hands would still do the work. But Virgil was so tired. And he was probably starting to drift. Virgil just wanted to go back to bed.

Virgil took the baskets of cleaned vegetables back inside and set them on the counter. When someone passed by and handed him a knife, bells should have gone off in his head. Virgil was afraid of cutting up vegetables. Because of that myth that it takes the same amount of force to cut a carrot as it does a finger. But the bells were quiet. The bells weren’t even working; he was so tired. Virgil was too tired to know what he was even doing. Virgil pulled an onion out of the basket and chopped off one end, wobbling slightly. Virgil only managed to get partway through cutting off the other end before he fell slightly against the counter because Virgil lost his balance trying to put his weight into chopping the onion.

“Who gave him _a knife_?” Remus bellowed angrily, taking the knife out of Virgil’s hands and placing it on the counter, then picking up the half-asleep Virgil, who didn’t even protest and fell limp against Remus.

“He has been here days and hasn’t helped with chopping at all!” Felton complained loudly. 

“He will _hurt_ himself! He does rinsing and washing! And if he cuts his finger off because of your _selfishness_ , I will take your _whole hand, melt the flesh with acid, and wear the bones around my neck as a warning_ to anybody else who _threatens_ Virgil’s _safety_ ,” Remus growled severely, looming over Felton and glaring at him with Virgil melted in his arms. Felton shrank back and held up his hands in defeat.

“Okay, sorry, _geez_!” Felton said, backing up and taking one of the baskets to a counter father from Remus as Remus shot daggers from his eyes in his direction. Remus carried Virgil to a corner of the kitchen and lowered him down carefully. Virgil was propped up on the wall, sitting in the corner while Remus quickly made sure there were no cuts on his hand.

“Did I do somefin’ wrong, Ream?” Virgil wavered, looking sad and slipping down the wall further with each moment.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, V. Why don’t you take a nap here until food time?” Remus suggested gently. Virgil nodded and laid down, curling up like a cat in the corner. Virgil didn’t like sleeping in public, but he didn’t need prodding this early. He trusted Remus implicitly. Virgil pulled up his hood and rested his head on his sleeves, passing out almost as immediately as his head hit his arms.

“Hey, Flora, we agreed Virgil would _not_ do any cutting, what gives?” Remus called angrily to one of the cooking acolytes the initiates assisted after standing back up.

“I didn’t see him do it, I’m sorry. There’s a lot of stuff going on!” She shot. “He knows better than to do it again, I’m sure. You probably scared everybody in the kitchen. Reminder to everybody to not give Virgil any knives, _period_! Let's not test Remus's patience any further,” Flora called out to the kitchen staff. There was a mummers of agreement through everyone there.

“ _Thank you_ ,” Remus snarled and picked up the knife left on the counter and dutifully finished chopping the top off. Remus spun the knife in his hand before peeling the skin and rotating the onion to dice it, humming a tune to himself as he started chopping the vegetables for breakfast.


	3. Remus & Virgil and the Temple of Work Avoidance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Remus procrastinate with a potential body count.

Virgil and Remus were on their way back to the sanctuary. They had been working for a few hours in the fields and were feeling too lazy to get back to work, but they had to head back to start food prep for dinner. They were walking at a relatively moderate pace at first but eventually slowed down to a crawl as Virgil sighed despondently.

“I don’t wanna go back to work,” Remus groaned, staring up to the sky.

“I know, I’m so tired,” Virgil rubbed his arms and sighed, looking despairingly at the sanctuary ahead, looming ever-closer over the crest of the meadow.

“They’re takin’ advantage of our _gentle_ and _caring_ demeanors,” Remus grumbled. Virgil snickered at the very concept. “I need a break,”

“I mean, if we took a while getting there, it’s… not a big deal, right? As long as nobody catches us doing it on purpose,” Virgil muttered. “We just can’t get caught,” Remus shrugged and kept lackadaisically sauntering forward. Virgil lifted his shoulders too. And they started shifting their upper bodies a little bit. “Duh-don’t be suspicious,” Virgil whispered.

“Duh-don’t be suspicious,” Remus whispered back.

“Duh-don’t be suspicious,” Virgil started to sing.

“Don’t be suspicious-spicious-spicious,” Remus started to sing and dance and Virgil joined him.

“Don’t be suspicious, don’t suspicious, don’t be suspicious, don’t be suspicious,” Virgil danced around as if he was a raptor and Remus dropped it low. Thorn ran up to them, having also been stuck out in the fields with them and walking a little ways behind and talking with Morgan. They had slowly caught up to the pair when they began to slow down. He watched them curiously for a moment until his eyes widened and he started slowly walk-dancing with him and singing along.

“What the fuck are you guys-” Morgan asked as Thorn started bobbing his head and singing along. 

“Don’t be suspicious!” Virgil sang louder and Morgan joined along.

So the group of four teens slowly dance-walked towards the kitchen entrance on the side of the sanctuary while singing badly. An acolyte outside didn’t fail to notice them, though, and headed inside.

“Um, Lord Damien?” Corrine muttered. “The new seers are doing something… _odd_. And they seem to have absorbed some other initiates into it, whatever it is,” Damien sighed and closed his book, nodding and following her outside to see… weird dancing in the distance as the four initiates closed in on the sanctuary.

“ _Thank you_ , Corrine, I will handle this. Please head inside,” Damien said coolly. Corrine nodded and rushed back in. Damien walked purposefully towards them, hearing really strange singing as he closed in. Damien huffed and ran his hand through his hair, watching them act like complete buffoons, not even realizing Damien was getting closer.

“Remus, Virgil, I _swear to the dragons_ if this is _another meme_ I will throw you in the river _myself_!” Damien bellowed and Morgan and Thorn bolted off like scared deer. Virgil and Remus fell over laughing in the grass. Damien marched over to them and watched them guffaw themselves to tears as they rolled around. He sighed heavily and rubbed his face. There was no end with them. 


	4. Spider Monkey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Remus get bored during animal husbandry class.

Virgil looked up in awe at the giant wooden frame in the barn, holding back a large pile of hay for the livestock. It was so tall, but the giant pile of hay on the other side would be a safe landing if he accidentally fell. And that just made him want to climb it more. He didn’t like heights, but climbing stuff was just so fun. It was the perfect compromise of safety and getting to climb really high without a harness on. Virgil gripped Remus’s robe tighter, staring longingly at it while an acolyte was pointing them around the barn and where things were stored.

“Go on, Spider Monkey, I’ll cover for you,” Remus whispered with a grin. Virgil didn’t hesitate and took a running leap at the wooden beams, pulling himself up and starting to climb up higher. Virgil weaved into the other side as soon as he had the clearance above the hay so he could fall safely on to the pile instead of the hard barn floor. Remus smirked up at Virgil, who had a manic grin as he swung around on the wooden beams. Virgil leaned out, hanging upside down and smirking at Remus, his ruffled up purple bangs flopping as he swung slightly and pulled himself back into the safe side and climbed higher.

Remus glanced at the acolyte, not having shown any sign of noticing Virgil had run off. He stepped back towards the wooden frame and angled himself to watch as Virgil posed at the top of the beams and took a swan dive into the hay with a single sharp giggle. Remus watched the Acolyte and stepped backward again. He was explaining how to brush the cows, but the livestock didn’t let Remus anywhere near them, other than the chickens, who seem to have accepted him as their new god. So Remus didn’t think it was relevant information. At least not the stuff with the cows, anyway. Remus backed into the wood frame and ascended himself, excited to take a dive into the hay.

Virgil’s head popped up from the hay, hair absolutely filled with debris, and beamed up to Remus, watching him. Remus cannonballed into the hay pile excitedly. Remus knew it would take forever to get all this hay out of his hair, but he didn’t care as he swam through the spiky dry grass. Virgil went to the edge and started to climb back down and Remus joined him, quietly tittering to each other.

Virgil and Remus quietly sneaked back into position, where they were standing before and listening to the acolyte, pretending as if nothing happened as they listened to the guy talk about healthy animal diets. They snickered to each other and pretended to appear interested. The acolyte finally turned back to them and his jaw dropped.

“Wh-what happened to you two?” He asked incredulously.

“Freak hay-nado,” Remus shrugged and Virgil tittered quietly behind his hand.

“There’s no such thing as a _freak ‘hay- nado’_,” He said firmly.

“Don’t question our _mystic leanings_ ,” Remus reprimanded him with a serious expression. The acolyte backed off slightly and sighed, returning to his lecture. 


	5. Not it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Remus go for a swim.

The initiates and a few acolytes were down at the western site, clearing up any garbage or pollution that may have run downriver. They kept the area very clear of contaminants and pollution, so there wasn’t too much work to do. They had one burlap sack of cans and things they fished out of the water and were all taking a break by the riverside. Some soaking their feet and some laying back in the sun to dry off.

Virgil and Remus were already wet from fishing things out from the water, Virgil being very dexterous and Remus being a strong swimmer, they could remove things from the water pretty efficiently. They were standing in a shallow part of the river and splashing water at each other, yelling out insults and laughing, because, fuck it, they were already in it.

“Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!” Virgil shot a wide splash of water at Remus.

“Was that supposed to be an insult, you soggy purple cum nugget?” Remus barked with laughter and splashed Virgil back. Virgil flipped Remus off and tackled him, but Remus barely shifted and they laughed together. Remus dragged Virgil back to the shore, and they sat with their feet in the river on a nearby edge, though Virgil’s ankles just barely reached the water.

And then they fell back in wet heaps, collapsed against each other. A little while later, Morgan came jogging up, squeezing out her dark wet hair.

“Hey, we’re headed back now, we’ve gotta prep dinner,” Morgan said, adjusting her belt. “…Guys?” She asked, tilting her head and leaning over them to check. “Hey, wake up!” She clapped in their faces. “Son of a bitch,” she muttered. “Hey, Percy, Felton, get over here!” She called, waving at them.

“What’s up, Mo?” Percy asked, jogging over. Felton adjusted his shoes while walking. “Can’t wake them up?” Morgan sighed.

“No, I think they blacked out. The acolytes warned there was a risk of this,” Morgan groaned. “We’ve gotta carry them back,”

“But… Virgil doesn’t like people touching him. Remus doesn’t like people touching Virgil. It’s… not pretty,” Percy said nervously.

“I’ll take him,” Morgan suggested. “I can be gentle,”

“No way, Remus is built like a tank! I want to take Virgil,” Felton groaned and tried to walk up to Virgil, but Virgil hissed loudly. Felton jumped back.

“I told you!” Percy said. “You and Mo are much stronger than me anyway, you two should take Remus,” Percy insisted.

“He’s just going to hiss at you,” Felton grunted.

“It’s not like we can leave them here,” Morgan said sourly. “Are there any acolytes left that can help?”

“I’m pretty certain only Lord Damien can make him stop hissing,” Percy said, sounding concerned.

“I mean with Remus,” Morgan said.

“Oh, most of them went back while we were still playing in the river. I think Thorn might still be here since I pushed him in and he’s drying off,” Percy said.

“It’s a long walk back, we’re just going to have to take turns,” Morgan insisted. “Thorn!” She called loudly.

“Yeah?” Echoed back.

“We need help!” Morgan called. Thorn’s figure rose from some tall grass and he slightly shook off before walking over.

“What’s- Oh,” Thorn said, looking down. “Dibs on Virgil,”

“No way,” Morgan shook her head. “Whoever Virgil hisses least at takes him. The rest of us will share Remus,”

“I guess that’s fair. Felton’s already out, then,” Percy laughed. Morgan took her shot and Virgil hissed loudly again. Thorn got a much weaker hiss that he was pretty stoked about. Until Percy got the least amount of hissing and he cheered. “Yes! In your faces, he likes me best!” Percy pumped his fist. Thorn looked a little disappointed but shrugged it off.

“Just because you both are into the same weird-ass books,” Morgan rolled her eyes.

“I will take it! And him!” Percy said, leaning down to pick up Virgil who continued to weakly hiss in protest. “See you suckers back at the sanctuary,” He said with a small wave out from under Virgil’s legs as Virgil’s hissing went on, unnerving him and the others.

“Well, we may as well start,” Morgan huffed and lifted Remus’s arms to drag him out of the river so they could take his feet and start their way back.

“At least there’s no way we’ll be in trouble for being back late for dinner prep,” Thorn offered, taking Remus’s feet and hefting him up with Morgan. Remus was taller than any of them and there was no chance of carrying him any other way.

“I bet he’s soft,” Morgan grumbled as she walked forward holding Remus as high as she could manage off the ground.

“We’ve got to request they make a stretcher,” Thorn grunted. “Extra-long. Are seers just super tall?”

“Virgil’s small,” Felton shrugged, walking beside them.

“Maybe they’re tol or smol,” Morgan chuckled, though it the effort of carrying Remus strained her voice.

-

Percy was panting from the effort of carrying Virgil the entire distance back from the river. Taking turns was probably smarter and Percy regretted his decision of running off. Virgil was light at first, but Percy wasn’t strong and didn’t have the best endurance to carry an entire human person any distance.

Percy pushed through the sanctuary door with Virgil in arms, gasping slightly. Damien was standing nearby and talking to some acolytes, but turn around when he heard Virgil’s hissing. It was an annoyingly familiar sound to him at this point. Damien quickly walked over to Percy and Virgil, knowing he’d have to handle this.

“Lord Damien, please, he hasn’t stopped hissing the whole way,” Percy panted with alarm. Damien sighed and tapped Virgil’s head, and Virgil halted his hissing.

“The River?” Damien sighed, noting Virgil’s wet hair and robes.

“Yeah. It’s been a long walk. Can somebody help me? Maybe help the others headed back with Remus?” Percy exhaled, clearly strained.

“Yes, of course,” Damien said, taking Virgil himself. “Please send a party out west to help carry Remus back and place him in the recovery room,” He called behind him. Damien walked back to take Virgil there to rest. The recovery room hasn’t seen this much use since before Damien was ready to take visions. Virgil hissed weakly when Damien pulled back after placing him on the bed, much to Damien’s surprise. Damien shook his head affectionately and rolled his eyes. They were idiots.


	6. Aeroplanes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Virgil threaten to fight each other.

They might have pushed themselves too much today after blacking out at the river yesterday. Damien tried to tell them to take it lightly this morning, but they still had shit to do as initiates. So Virgil and Remus sat slightly deliriously outside on a small patio that the gatherings in the evening spread out to. They kicked their feet in the tall grass while watching the breeze rustle the meadow and some people played instruments into the night.

“Ream. Reamyroo. Ream o’ paper. Reamin’ an intern,” Virgil pestered Remus, poking him in the side.

“What’s up Virgey-wirgey-digeridoo,” Remus sang brightly.

“I wanna fly,” Virgil poked Remus in his side.

“You wanna _fuckin' go_ , Virge?” Remus shouted excitedly.

“Fuck yeah, let’s _throw down,_ bro!” Virgil shouted back, balling his fists and pumping his arms in the air.

“Let’s go!” Remus stood quickly and yanked Virgil off the ground, slightly propelling him into the meadow ahead. Virgil stumbled and giggled as he got his barrings in the grass.

Remus quickly stepped after him and swooped up his arm and his leg from the side and spun around, flinging Virgil through the air. Virgil screamed in delight as Remus flung him around. Remus slowed and let go of him before he completely stopped, trying to grab him around the torso. Remus missed slightly and caught Virgil by his thighs, leaving gravity to pull the upper half of his body towards the earth. Virgil held up his hands and Remus lowered him enough to the ground that Virgil could walk on his hands. Remus backed up so he wouldn’t get kicked in the chest, which Virgil caught his balance. Remus clapped excitedly when Virgil walked around a few steps on his hands before tumbling into the grass and cackling.

“You okay there Birdgey-Murdgey? Have a fun airplane?” Remus asked, leaning over Virgil laying in the grass and giggling.

“Bitch, who the fuck are you? I’m a spaceship, not some weak aeroplane! Beep boop beep!” Virgil shot, wildly grinning as Remus collapsed into the grass next to him.

“We’re gonna blackout, my main V-man,” Remus snickered and felt the grass.

“Damn straight we are,” Virgil held up his hand, and Remus high-fived it right away.

“We should probably go to bed so nobody has to carry us,” Remus suggested, sounding uninterested in moving.

“Mm. Grass comfy,” Virgil grumbled, equally uninterested and looking like he was already slipping.

“I gotcha, fam,” Remus hefted himself up and threw Virgil over his shoulder. Remus wouldn’t let Virgil sleep out here even if he didn’t care about himself. Virgil cackled slightly but mostly laid loosely against Remus as he took him inside to go to bed. Virgil waved weakly to Percy and Morgan sitting in the sanctuary's corner and playing cards, and they both laughed at his dopey grin and waved back.


	7. Visions

“Here at the western site it is easy to cleanse oneself of issues that block your sight, but sometimes even contact with the water can give you a vision. In my opinion, the water site is one of the easier ones to have a vision at,” Damien explained, motioning to the river. “I don’t know what your source is, but I think the river may affect you unless you have a contrasting link,” Damien mused.

“There’s some really cool shit going on right now, I see it,” Remus nodded, looking to the river with a gleam in his eye. Virgil looked up to Remus nervously and put his hand firmly on Remus’s arm.

“Remus, you haven’t even touched the water and you seem very present, are you sure you are having a vision?” Damien asked hesitantly. “You should not be able to be so present before you have trained yourself to be a better receptor,” Damien explained, though it seemed to be deaf ears.

“The water can do it, right?” Remus grabbed Virgil and lifted him above his head in one swift motion, and Virgil yelped in protest. “It’s a super cool one, Virge! You’re gonna love it!” Remus shouted excitedly, stepping closer to the river.

“Put me down, Ream!” Virgil screeched, trashing in Remus’s arms. But Remus was completely unfazed as he stopped by the riverside.

“Remus, that’s not how visions-” Damien tries to stop Remus, but it’s already too late.

“Yeet!” Remus yelled and threw Virgil right into the river before Damien could stop anything. Virgil yelled the whole way down and a giant splash spread as he broke the water’s surface. Damien rubbed his face in exasperation as Virgil bobbed up from under the water.

“Remus, you fuckface!” Virgil screamed and Remus laughed loudly. Virgil splashed a giant wave of water at him in retaliation. Damien would have been impressed with the distance and volume of liquid if he wasn’t already so done with this nonsense. At least things were always interesting with them. Damien suppressed a smile as she shook his head, watching a soaked Virgil crawl out of the river, splashing water at a cackling Remus.

Damien jumped back as Virgil shook off like a dog, looking wet and miserable until Remus picked him up by the arms and swung him around in a circle, flinging water out from Virgil’s soaked robes. Virgil shrieked with a combination of laughter and surprise. When they slowed, Virgil gave him a giant, wet hug. Which gave Remus a soaked spot on his robes. Virgil smirked mischievously, but Remus just ruffled Virgil’s wet hair with a chuckle. Damien sighed slightly, watching them and rubbed his arm. Remus looked curiously at Damien’s awkward shifting while Virgil tried and failed to pummel Remus in the chest for throwing him in the river. Remus shrugged and pulled Virgil up into a bear hug, spinning Virgil around again. 


	8. Dedication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're idiots and dedicated to the meme.

Virgil and Remus had Visions today. And they also already had a glass of mead to help recover. So they were very exhausted and a little delirious when they went to the evening gathering and pounded the mead they got. Because why not have more fun? They sat in a corner, talking to each other, slurring slightly, about meme songs. Because why not. 

“I think _Never Going to Give You Up_ is a party groove, what are you talking about?” Remus asked incredulously.

“There’s so many other dance anthems,” Virgil said. “I’m jus’ saying it’s not the bes’,” Virgil shrugged.

“Like what’s better than that? The intro is iconic, and it gets you in the mood to party!” Remus insisted.

“ _Dragostea Din Tei_ makes you wanna pump your arms in the air, y’know? It’s a classic, too, if tha’s what you’re worried about,” Virgil suggested.

“I dunno about that. I mean it’s an anthem but is it a party anthem or dancing alone anthem?” Remus slurred.

“Okay, well, what about C _aramelldansen_? It’s got a dance and everythin’, and you gotta do it with at least two people or it’s an incomplete meme. Party anthem,” Virgil insisted firmly, leaning forward.

“I-umm…” Remus stumbled. “You’re abso-fucking-lutely right,” Remus nodded and grinned.

“You know all the lyrics, right?” Virgil asked, shifting to stand up from the floor, wobbling slightly.

“You’re damn right I do,” Remus grinned, also getting up.

“Vi undrar är ni redo att vara med,” Remus started singing while Virgil started to do the dance, and Remus joined him. Virgil did his best to sing along but failed spectacularly, because it was amazing that Remus could manage enough Swedish to even sing the song, much less well. Especially while slightly tipsy and over exhausted.

An idea of another relevant meme hit them at the same time and they fell facedown to the floor. Remus kept singing while Virgil laid there perfectly still like a corpse. An acolyte tried to run up to them, but as soon as anybody got close, Virgil hissed loudly.

“I-uh, are they okay?” An acolyte muttered. The other initiates snickered across the room.

“Maybe they entered a trace?” Someone suggested. The initiates snickered louder, though it would be hard to hear over Remus singing in Swedish to the floor.

An acolyte tried to walk up behind Virgil, where he couldn’t have seen, but Virgil still hissed loudly and they jumped back. Another person tried to walk up to Remus, also out of Virgil’s sight-line, but he hissed again.

“Um, maybe Lord Damien knows what to do,” Someone suggested with heavy concern.

Damien marched in moments later and examined them on the floor. Virgil hissed when he got close, but Damien didn’t stop and squatted down to check on Virgil, whose hiss continued until it stopped abruptly when Damien tapped his head. Damien sighed and switched around to check on Remus, who stopped singing as soon as Damien touched his neck.

“Is something wrong with them?” A hesitant voice asked.

“Yes. Something is _extremely_ wrong with them,” Damien huffed. “They will be fine. Please carry them back to the initiates' quarters. Or leave them there, I'm sure they'd recover either way,” Damien sighed and tapped Virgil again. “Virgil shouldn’t hiss anymore for now. But it would be wise to hurry if you want to move them,” Damien huffed and left the room. He felt like he was babysitting grown adults. 


	9. Discotech

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smooth Jamz.

There was a small bonfire this evening since the weather was nice. Only a few people had remained outside around the flames, the gathering having mostly died down at this point. There was still a chill wind in the evenings that many people opted to go back inside instead of tolerating any further. Many of the initiates stayed outside, though. Something about a fire on a cool evening was calming, and most everybody was settled down and chatting relaxedly. Most.

“Hey, um, is there some music or something I can’t hear?” Morgan asked nervously.

“Uh, no? There’s nobody out here with any instruments,” Layfaette said, looking around.

“Well then, why do they look like they’re bobbing their head to something?” Morgan said, pointing to Virgil and Remus. They were sitting too close to the fire for safety and nodding their heads to the exact same unknown beat. But there was no sound other than the breeze rustling the plants and the wildlife’s calls.

“What… do you think they can hear?” Percy asked, sounding unsettled.

“Maybe some spirits are jamming?” Thorn suggested.

“Do spirits do that?” Morgan asked, almost incredulously.

“Well, they’re clearly hearing the same thing,” Thorn motioned to them. They were perfectly in sync, with their eyes closed. Virgil was leaning against Remus slightly, but they were both sitting upright facing the flames.

“They wouldn’t acknowledge us if it was a vision or something, right? Lord Damien isn’t normally responsive,” Percy suggested.

“We could try,” Layfaette shrugged.

“Hey, what are you guys listening to?” Thorn called to them.

“The fire’s got a bitchin’ groove going on,” Remus called back with a little wave, not turning to face away from the flames.

“I… don’t know if that confirms or denies anything to be honest,” Morgan said, sounding a little scared.

“What’s it sound like?” Thorn called to them curiously.

“Sweet, sweet vindication,” Remus called back, sounding very satisfied.

“I think I’m even more confused,” Percy said, rubbing his face.

“At least it’s a good vision or whatever it is and not the one he was having last night,” Layfaette shuddered. “I can’t wait till their ceremony so I don’t have to listen to Remus’s nightmares anymore. I feel bad for him,”

“I dunno, the thing about the burning race car driven by a corpse was pretty cool,” Percy shrugged.

“Ugh, _boys_ ,” Layfaette rolled her eyes.

“Shoes!” Remus called.

“Boys _in_ shoes!” Remus and Virgil shouted sarcastically in unison.

The initiates stared at each other in unison for a moment.

“Um, I think you just got roasted, Layfaette,” Thorn snickered. “Also, they can hear us, I guess. Hope the groove is spicy, Remus,”

“It’s like shoving a cinnamon stick up your dick hole it’s so spicy!” Remus chirped. Every single person in earshot shivered.

“That’s…. Great, buddy,” Thorn chuckled nervously. “Very evocative imagery,”

“Thanks! People tell me that a lot!” Remus replied cheerily. Virgil started swaying and held up a dead leaf in the air, releasing it. The wind carried it straight into the fire.

“I’m sure they do,” Percy groaned and shuddered, but the teens all broke out in light-hearted laughter soon after. 


	10. Remus and the Dreaded Meditation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is a broken radio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: a gross thing is uttered near the end

Remus sighed heavily. Sitting out on the pavilion trying to meditate was not his thing. He was really trying, but his thoughts were really getting loud and out of hand. He reminded himself this was cool cult shit and not ableist people telling him what to do, but he still hated the feeling of sitting here and doing nothing… and not even _drunk_ or _stoned_. Absolutely unacceptable if there weren't dragons involved.

Remus risked a peek at Virgil, who was shaking a little. He didn’t do too well alone with his thoughts, either. But they both agreed to try. Damien mentioned there were other types of meditations they could try, and Remus would rather be doing any of those. Better than sitting on the rocks and trying to be poised. It was pretty awful. And watching Virgil shake just made Remus sad.

“ _Despacito_! Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito!” Pops out of Remus before he could stop himself, and he shot his hand over his mouth. Damien hissed slightly, and Virgil tittered. Remus tried to focus again. But focusing wasn’t exactly his thing. And his brain went completely off again. Probably no man could reign in his thoughts. “There’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do!” Remus blurted out.

“I bless the rains down in Africa!” Virgil sings back automatically and then looked shocked and cowered sheepishly as Damien shot a glare back to them. Remus shrugged. This was doomed from the start, probably. At least Virgil wasn’t shaking anymore, and the weather was nice. Remus took another deep breath to try again.

“I take a deep breath and get real high and I sing at the top of my lungs, what’s going on?” Remus makes the connection and starts singing. He did try not to spout anything else out, but he’d mostly given up at this point.

“And I said _heyayayayayay_ -” Virgil started to finish but was cut off by Damien.

“What _is_ going on?” Damien shot, interrupting him. The serendipity was too beautiful and Virgil fell over giggling right away while Remus barked a laugh of pure meme satisfaction. Damien watched Virgil rolling on the stone flooring of the pavilion and sighed. “All right, that’s enough of this,”

“Sorry, Lord Damien,” Remus huffed a laugh. “I can’t be still for long without becoming a broken radio,” Remus shrugged.

“We’ll try other methods that are less passive. You warned me you’d likely struggle,” Damien rolled his eyes. “Can Virgil _breathe_?” He said, pointing very concernedly to Virgil giggling violently on the pavilion floor.

“I hope so!” Remus said brightly, crawling over to Virgil, poking him in the side. He continued to giggle, so Remus just picked him up and held on to him in his lap so he wouldn’t hit his head on the rocks, at least.

“Virgil, have you ever thought about eating spider molting?” Remus asked, trying to distract him with the first thing that came to his mind.

“Ew,” Virgil laughed. “What the fuck, Ream?” He continued to giggle, but significantly less than earlier.

“You think they’re crunchy or they melt like cotton candy?” Remus asked cheerily. Damien gagged, but Virgil finally stopped laughing.

“I think it depends on the spider,” Virgil said thoughtfully and took a deep breath, trying to catch up on all the breath he lost from his laughing fit.

“You are both _disgusting_. Please… rejoin the initiates and let’s not talk about eating molting _ever again_ ,” Damien huffed. 

“I bet snake shedding is crunchy,” Remus added with a smirk, pushing Damien’s buttons for the hell of it.

“I am _leaving_!” Damien shot, standing up quickly and walking off. Virgil and Remus both laughed as Damien stormed back to the sanctuary.


	11. Pushing Daisies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know what this is. Even if you don't think you do, you do.   
> Remus POV instead of omniscient for this one.

Remus liked it in Damien’s quarters. He really did. Virgil was so excited to be in here and reading the texts. He got to be alone, for one, and Damien’s room was really comfortable. Virgil loved it in here, so Remus would happily stick it out for Virgil. But Remus was so. damn. _bored_. These books were written weird and hard to follow sometimes and he kept having to loop back to understand stuff. So he lost interest quickly. They’ve supposed to be about sweet dragon magic and shit. You’d think they’d be more interesting or compelling.

He’s listened to plenty of books about dragons. Dragon warriors. Sweet dragon magic. But this was… boring. Virgil always made books sound more fun than they were. Maybe Remus could get Virgil to read these books to him. He could probably make it easier to follow. The handwriting especially was very difficult for him to parse. Virgil reading him books aloud was what got Remus into books. He struggled with reading. Letters always seemed to jump around on him and his eye line would jump around the page. He’d rather listen to Virgil’s voice any day. Remus gave up. He’d ask Virgil later. Damian probably wouldn’t want Virgil reading out loud in here and disrupting him.

Damien was sitting nearby, reading one of those journals again, and comparing it to a text in a red book. Why was Damien so into those damn journals? Remus swore he had one in his hand every time he had downtime. Remus puts down his book and watched Damien take notes with a quill pen, like the fancy fuck he is.

Damien had super sweet dragon magic and shit. If Remus could do all that stuff, there’s no way he’d sit around in his room and take notes on old books. The passing out thing was a bummer, but Damien says the more they do it the easier it gets. He’d rather be out practicing. People have complained about carrying him back, but he didn’t care if they left him there. Damien could be out doing cool shit. Damien probably should be out doing cool shit. Remus could carry him back. Remus stood up and walked over to Damien, glancing at his notes and then staring him in the face.

“Yes, Remus?” Damien acknowledged him lazily, still half paying attention to his books.

“Are you tired of being _nice_? Do you ever just want to go _apeshit_?” Remus quoted his favourite meme seriously, right in Damien’s face.

“… Remus, this better be another meme and not an honest suggestion. Otherwise, I am concerned about your continued stay here,” Damien said, still sounding half distracted. Virgil laughed loudly and dramatically wiped away a tear that wasn’t there.

“Absolutely stunning performance, 12/10,” Virgil giggled lightly, pulling up his feet on the chair and returned to his book. “Come on Ream, where d'you leave off? I’ll read to you,” Virgil offered. Remus nodded and picked up his book to show Virgil where the bookmark was.

“Is that… okay?” Remus asked carefully. He didn’t think Damien would let them. People rarely liked to make exceptions for him. They called his needs ‘intrusive’ or ‘disruptive’. Remus’s parents especially said that to him at least once a week. And bothering a cult leader seemed like a big no-no.

“If it will help you understand things better and not ask if I’m interested in becoming violent and lashing out, it’s fine with me. Whatever is best for your comprehension,” Damien smirked slightly, looking very satisfied. Oh, that was cool of him. Virgil looked at the page.

“Oh, yeah, this part’s tricky, it took me a few goes. I’ll try to re-word it for you,” Virgil offered with a smile. “Could you cut in if I'm wrong, Lord Damian?" Virgil asked. Damien nodded but continued working without any other fuss. Remus sat back on the floor in front of Virgil, leaning his back against the chair and listening to Virgil read while he flicked around a tassel from a blanket. Virgil’s voice was clear, and Remus listened carefully to Virgil’s explanation. Remus glanced up at Damien at the desk who had a small smile as he went back to taking notes on his journals. Huh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In Remus's attempt to not bother Damien, he bothered Damien. What a neurodivergent mood. Two more to go! Remus finally confronts Damien in the next one and then there's a bonus chapter after that. Then I'll move on to uploading BCE (Before Cult Events). Those won't be daily, sorry, but some of them are longer.


	12. Dawn of the Final Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Aggressive Friendship** is the only way Remus knows.

“Hey, Lord Damien,” Remus said, not looking away from the window in Damien’s quarters. Virgil was reading on the chair near the window but looked up when Remus interrupted Damien. 

“Yes, Remus?” Damien said distractedly, flipping through some of his notes. 

“I’m sorry if this is crossing a line or whatever, but we go through the ceremony tomorrow. You don’t have to keep us at such a distance. I get that it must have been hard to be the only seer and everybody treating you special all your life. But we’re not gonna tell on you for wanting to be friends or a hug,” Remus said, leaning back on the floor and glancing up to Damien at his desk. 

“I- uh, I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Damien said. “I’m very contented in my position,” 

“I wasn’t talkin’ about that. I was talkin’ about letting people close to you instead of this 12-foot-pole nonsense you’re doing. It’s gotta suck. I dunno if I’d be here today without Virge. I don’t mean here in the sanctuary, I mean ‘here’-here,” Remus said seriously. There was a long pause. Virgil looked nervously at Remus and shifted to put his hand on Remus’s shoulder. 

“You’re… _very_ observant,” Damien muttered quietly and put the pages he was holding down. 

“You’re _very_ obvious,” Remus said, rolling his eyes. “I’ve seen you trying to hide laughing at our jokes and when get those jealous looks when V hangs off of me,” Remus shrugged. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Damien sat up slightly, a vision of poise and responsibility. 

“ _Bullshit_ , Lord Damien,” Virgil piped up and Damien looked shocked, slumping down slightly again and gripping the table to steady himself. Damien kept forgetting that the usually very shy Virgil could have a very sharp tongue and was emboldened when Remus wanted something or struggled. 

“I’ve seen it, too. I bet the whole reason you’ve been letting us read and eat in here is that you’re lonely. There’s probably plenty of other places we could be away from people. We’re not official yet, I get it. But nobody’s going to hold it against you for hanging out with us outside of duty after the ceremony. Percy was saying the other day how the position seemed lonely. I doubt he’s the only one here who thinks that. People are super social here. You’re allowed to want what everybody else has,” Virgil lectured Damien with a no-nonsense expression. Damien looked upset, but his face did eventually soften after a tense moment of staring each other down. 

“So, you’re interested in being friends? After the ceremony, of course,” Damien asked, somewhat sheepishly, abandoning the facade completely. 

“We’re already friends in my book,” Remus shrugged. “You’re really cool,” 

“I, uh, yeah,” Virgil rubbed the back of his head and stumbled on his words, slightly blushing. 

“I could be open to the concept,” Damien admitted quietly.

“Lord Damien, with all due respect? Nerd,” Remus said with a laugh. And Damien didn’t hide his smile this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil and Remus be forcefully adopting loner friends, what can I say?


	13. Day Zero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Mini-fic.

“Do you hear that, Ream?” Virgil asked, sticking his head up, looking around. He was sitting at a small fire roasting stick of mushrooms and eating a few berries he had identified as safe from his pockets. Remus was utilizing the fire to boil some water in a can he found while snacking on the berries as well. 

“Hear _what_ , V?” Remus asked, sitting up straight to look around and listen carefully. 

“Shit, _fuck_! Get in the trees, now, _now_!” Virgil shouted in a panic, standing up quickly and yanking Remus’s sleeve to pull him up. Remus got up quickly and Virgil ran to the nearest tree, jumping to latch on to the branch and using the inertia to launch himself higher up. Remus simply jumped and pulled himself up on the crotch of the tree. Remus climbed as high as a thick enough branch could support him while Virgil scrambled up higher. 

“A little higher, dude, just in case, just stand as close to the trunk as possible,” Virgil hissed, motioning him to come up higher with Virgil. Remus climbed up a little higher, nearly slipping with a screech from Virgil, but managed to catch himself and stood close to the drunk, holding tight as they sat high up. 

“Uh, V, buddy, what _is_ it?” Remus asked, taking a deep breath as the slip made his heart jump into his throat. Virgil didn’t have to answer though. A howling rang through the air, much closer than comfortable. 

“ _Coyotes_ ,” Virgil whispered, wide-eyed. 

“If we stay outta sight, they should get disinterested and leave,” Remus said. “Thanks, V,” 

“I wish I didn’t have to say this, but anytime,” Virgil huffed, watching the ground with a fierce intensity to keep an eye out for the predators. 

“They’re normally afraid of bigger predators, so if they don’t clear out maybe I can scare it off,” Remus suggested. 

“I think that’s a great plan X, Ream,” Virgil huffed. “We don’t have a first aid kit, just some herbs,” 

“I can always jump back up,” Remus rolled his eyes. 

“Hush,” Virgil hissed. Remus joined Virgil looking down at the forest floor, keeping quiet. A few minutes later, they could hear the rustling of the brush of an animal entering the clearing. They could barely make it out through the leaves, but the coyote sniffed around the site. 

It did eventually lose interest and leave, and Virgil and Remus let out a collective sigh of relief. They waited up in the tree for a while longer to make sure they were fully clear of the coyote. Standing on the branch carefully for that long was really wearing on Remus, but Virgil was basically a spider monkey up in the trees and wasn’t strained. Remus opted to defer to Virgil’s _mystic danger gut_ over his boredom or discomfort. Once Virgil gave the okay, Virgil dropped from his branch and swung himself down as Remus carefully scaled his way to the forest floor. 

“Aw, shit, my mushrooms,” Virgil groaned, looking at the mushrooms burnt to a crisp. “Well, I think I saw some chanterelles nearby while up in the tree,” Virgil sighed. 

“Well, the first water’s done. I’ll do the second and we can drink this as soon as it’s cool enough,” Remus said, getting some dry leaves to stoke the fire slightly. It was dying down unattended. Virgil came back a few minutes later with a handful of mushrooms. 

“Bandana, please,” Virgil asked. Remus untied a damp black bandanna from his belt loop and held it open for Virgil to drop the mushrooms into. Virgil took the ends and rolled it and went to go wash them in the stream. Remus looked for a new twig to roast the mushrooms on, finding one good enough a few feet away from the fire and shaving off the bark with a sharp rock before taking it to the stream to soak. 

“Here you go, V,” Remus said, sitting next to the stream with him and holding the stick underwater. 

“Thanks,” Virgil muttered, meticulously making sure each mushroom is clean. 

“Sticks okay?” Remus asked. Virgil’s eyes widened, and he lifted the bandanna of mushrooms out of the water and unzipped the front of his hoodie. 

“Yeah,” Virgil sighed with relief, zipping back up. They finished up at the stream and went back to the fire. Virgil skewered the mushrooms and passed it off for Remus to set up to cook them. After they were settled in a bit, Remus looked up to the sky to check the time. 

“How much farther do you think they are?” Remus asked. “I’m pretty fuckin’ hungover and just so ready to lay down and die,” 

“I dunno, but I think we’re getting closer. Stupid body needing _nutrients_ and _water_ ,” Virgil grumbled. 

“I know, right?” Remus mumbled and peeked at the can of boiling water to check its progress. He held his hand to the back of the other can to check the temperature before picking it up to take a drink, then handed it off to Virgil. Virgil took a grateful sip while Remus rotated the mushrooms. “They’re starting to smell pretty good, V,” 

“They’re _fancy people_ mushrooms,” Virgil stated plainly, eating a few more berries from his pockets. Remus held his hand out and Virgil dropped a few more into his hand. Remus ate them one at a time and slowly to help stave off the hunger. “They’re full of B vitamins so we can get more energy. They won’t be very filling, though,” 

“Well, I don’t have a knife, so it’s not like we can catch a rabbit or something and eat that. Not unless I can find some way to sharpen my pointy rock without breaking another one,” Remus groaned. “We’ll be okay on the forage. We have been so far,” Remus said with a nod, rotating the mushrooms again. Virgil took another drink, leaving the last quarter of the water for Remus, pushing it back towards him. 

Virgil and Remus split the mushrooms when they were done, Remus just breaking the stick in half and passing one half to Virgil. Remus and Virgil blew on them for a moment before both taking one off the end and eating them. 

“Wow, these are actually really good,” Remus smiled. “I thought I didn’t like mushrooms,” Virgil nodded, blowing on the mushrooms and hungrily eating a second one. 

“They’re- ah-” Virgil blew hot air out of his mouth from the mushroom. “Like, surprisingly fruity,” Virgil said while chewing up the mushroom. 

“After this can is ready for us to drink, we should get back moving. We’ll be losing daylight if we rest any longer,” Remus said, looking at the sky again. 

“Yeah, I know. I’m itching to go, anyway,” Virgil said excitedly. “I can feel it,” Virgil popped another mushroom in his mouth. 

“I can too,” Remus nodded, looking at the can’s progress. He checked his phone. Still no signal, but just enough battery to use the clock to make sure the water is boiled long enough to drink. 

When Virgil finished his half of the mushrooms, he unzipped his hoodie and pulled out the odd sticks and Virgil held them loosely in his hands. The sticks shifted to the same direction they were pointing to when they found the small clearing near the stream. 

“Yes,” Virgil hissed with pleasure. “Same direction. Haven’t lost it yet,” Remus grinned widely as Virgil sat back down, holding the sticks and ready to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you at BCE (Before Cult Events) for more teenage idiocy!

**Author's Note:**

> Questions, comments, concerns, incoherent screaming, quotes you just liked, what you think Remy would say about any of this, and memes all welcome in the comment section below. Even an extra <3 kudos is greatly appreciated! I am emotionally validated by inbox notifications.  
> 
> 
> [Story Discord Server](https://discord.gg/ThcDBSP)
> 
> writing/sanders sides tumblr: [@onthevirgeofdestruction](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/onthevirgeofdestruction)


End file.
